peaceful chaos

there’s not many things I know for certain but I know that you can’t have rainbow without rain, you can’t have sun without shine and you sure as hell won’t enjoy the good times if you didn’t have the bad ones…

it’s easy for us to get caught up in whirlwinds of depression and just as easy to get caught up in the highs of other moments, so why do we struggle so hard with it?

I mean here’s a task, think of the last time that you were completely, wholeheartedly and undeniably happy…did you smile thinking about it? if you think of a time you were at the bottom of the pit, feeling like there was no hope for anything…did you furrow your brow or sigh a little?

see it’s funny, how we hold onto these emotions and our body remebers the pain or the warmth but when we really feel like shit is undeniably harder to think of the good times as opposed to the shit times. what saying could you apply? easier to dig deeper than climb your way out?

psychologically there’s some science behind it, and I’ll spare you the google search and list it out for you:

• happiness literally takes energy (metabolic energy)
• your brain literally has a preference of feeling what you are already feeling (think that when you have had sweet you might want more)
• there’s comfort in familiarity so when you feel down, happiness can feel scary so it’s easier to stay sad

feel free to google, I won’t list my sources (for now) but it’s interesting isn’t it? how something so simple as brain chemistry can make us feel like the world is ending?

certain feelings can feel certain ways and I mean the funny part is, each persons pain is so individual. I could sit here, you could tell you you’re a piece of shit and depending on your upbringing you could probably guess the way you might react but say the same thing to my friend J and he could have a completely diferent reaction.

he doesn’t have the same fears or trauma you have, so I mean, why would he react the same?

we can get down about so many things: work, friendships, relationships, hobbies, sports, goals we are or aren’t achieving and even our own selves and without getting in to details of everything that could be wrong. maybe we can focus on the other side of things?

something that’s always helped me is knowing that in most cases time really does heal all, if you let it.

I add that detail because I mean sometimes we can get so caught up in the time passing or try and fill it with things to distract us or even just focus on the fact it is moving by that we lose track of the point, moving on with your life in any way you can can help things. at least in my experience.

it’s easy to get caught up in the shit show that is life and focus on the bad, trust me, I am in one of those ruts myself. you feel helpless, you feel like there’s not much point to everything because, simply, things feel pointless and I know it is always gunna be hard to see the light when you are consumed by the darkness.

but balance exists in every portion of the world, that I know, there’s a natural balance and even spiritual if you believe it, so why can’t we believe it now.

try an experiment with me. right now, don’t laugh, don’t think think it’s dumb and if you do? well close the tab, exit the app and just leave…but for those that want to play, let’s go.

I want you to think of someone you love, be it a parent, a partner a friend and think of a time where you couldn’t stop laughing and I mean REALLY laughing. the time your stomach hurt or you even thought you might pee your pants. if you can’t think of one of those, think of the last time you smiled because something felt good? it could be as simple as a sunset, as funny as a cat video online or even seeing someone else happy.

the funny thing about this game is whether you smiled or not, laughed or not. you most likely remebered a time even if you didn’t want to when you were happier than you might be now (assuming you are down now).

that proves my point, there is some glimmer. it might have been slight but it felt good and there it was.

I saw someone apply the concept of grief as glitter. that in the first instance it’s glitter everywhere and eventually…when you start to clean it up, and feel like you’ve cleaned a majority of it up, you find some in a sock, maybe under a piece of furniture, maybe in a crevice you never even noticed and I think pain or trauma or just straight up depression is like that.

you’ll never know where you will find that piece of sadness disguised as glitter or feel that glimmer of pain you know all to well but even glitter reflects and I think there really is always some light in the end.

but hey, the likelihood is if you are reading this, either I shared it with you or you somehow found this blog post. but either way you’re reading it for a reason…and like the purpose of this blog in it’s entirity. I just hope you don’t feel so alone.