peaceful chaos

the word epidemic generally refers to a specific phenomenon, habit, or problem that is widely spread, meaning quite simply it’s a larger problem that affects many. so, with the current dating scene, can we apply that word?

you’ve probably heard of the men’s loneliness epidemic and probably even heard about dating fatigue if you’ve ever found yourself on the apps; and I think that although the common theme is negative, there might be a bright side to the downside coming out. if we take a step back and look at the facts, here they are:

• 80% of dating app users report feeling burnt out
• 91% of men and 94% of women agree that the current dating environment is “more difficult than ever”
• Over 1.4 million people abandoned the top dating apps between 2024 and 2025.

I mean, the statistics speak to a lot of negatives, and who can blame the people in the statistics for feeling like that? because if I found myself within the realm of those statistics, then I would, of course, feel that depressive reality start to creep in.

when we approach dating, I wonder what expectations we go in with; and I mean, while we arguably shouldn’t, the reality, I think, is quite different.

if we see someone across the bar, we initially catch interest because they immediately meet your expectation of beauty standards. the same happens on an app; you swipe from profile to profile and only stop when something catches your eye—someone visually meets your requirements of attractive. from there, it’s an easy slope of looking at dating with a tickbox mentality, much more easily applied to dating apps than real-life interactions. but what could those checkboxes be?

well, maybe you want someone with a steady income, so having an annually paying job might be a criteria of yours. maybe you have a pet and need someone who interacts with them with the same excitement you have. or maybe you lacked a certain thing in your life that you wanted to bring into it—something that person on your screen tells you they bring, and you want to let them.

I think we would be naive to believe that we don’t have checkboxes or criteria we want people to meet in our subconscious, and even more naive to think that someone can meet all of them. so, where does that leave us? well, with the plethora of choice that dating apps give us, the feeling of it is easy to think that if the person you meet doesn’t hit the mark, the next one might; and that there is a constant rotation of people just waiting behind a few taps on a screen.

I think, generally, it feels like we’ve leaned too much into this mentality and that we might just societally be pushing from an era of “protect my peace” that isn’t really preserving our energy, but pushing ourselves into the reality of self-preservation. subsequently, in the context of connection, could it be at the cost of others?

on that same strain, a lot of us look for what we may lack in others—and yes, I speak from experience—because I think a large majority of us have used a relationship to fill a void. whether we know it or not, chose to or not, it can happen; and is that a crime?

let’s face it: knowing yourself can already be difficult in the age we live in, and I know it can be easy to lose sight of self, especially in a relationship.

but if we take a step back and look at ourselves at the start, are we being honest? do you know yourself enough to share yourself with someone else?

it begs the question (that I won’t go into too much) do we really know ourselves? and if the answer isn’t a hard yes, are we really showing our potential partner the version of us that is true? even if we think it is that version which is genuine, if we discover ourselves further, would that mean we lied to the person we let know that version of ourselves?

I’ll summarize by sharing some, but still little, insight into my experience on the topic. I’ve met my share of people and I’ve had my share of dates. I’ve also found love before and lost love before, but one thing I’ve learnt is that honesty and communication are always the ingredients that make the foundation of the cake.

you can add the chocolate, can dress it up with icing and sprinkles, but if the cake itself falls apart, what will you be left with? a frustrating mess of sugar and disappointment that things fell apart? well, that just isn’t fun, but as they say… can you have your cake and eat it too?

Sources:

Phares, E. (2025) Online Dating Statistics, Trends & Insights, Forbes Health, 22 July

Boyd, R. (2024) ‘It feels like admin’: why are people falling out of love with dating apps?, The Guardian, 8 December

Brooks, A. (2025) 8 Online Dating Burnout & Swipe Fatigue Statistics (2026), DatingAdvice.com, 1 May